the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
