My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
