It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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