i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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