This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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