are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
