I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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