Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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