we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
