I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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