I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
