So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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