The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
