he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
