Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
