You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
