Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
