Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
