loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
