Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
