he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize