So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
