I accidentally had phone sex last night
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
