Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
