I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I did not marry a roomba.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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