Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
