I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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