WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
