she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize