Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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