CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
