just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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