using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
