so that wasnt chicken after all
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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