PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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