Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I have surprise drugs for everyone
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
