A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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