you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
