my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
