i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
