apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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