And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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