is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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