PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
