Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
