New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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