Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
