Too much gin, very little bucket
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I will be naked everywhere
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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