He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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