my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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