I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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