I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
