I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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