just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
