How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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