So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
