Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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