Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
