Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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