8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
