Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
