I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
