I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize