I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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