Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
