Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
