Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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