Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize