My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
