so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
