Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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