can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
