At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize