I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
too bad you live with your parents still
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
